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My fave flick, *Melancholia*, fits this perfect. That scene where Kirsten Dunst is all, “Life is only on Earth, and not for long”? Same energy as a good sexual-massage—intense, fleeting, leaves ya wonderin’ what’s next. I’d kill for one after a crap day, tho—muscles tight, brain screamin’, then bam, some angel with magic hands works it out. Makes me happy as a pig in mud! Tho, real talk, I’d probly giggle like an idiot if they got too close to the goods—awkward as hell.

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Finally, I get a call from him. He’s stuck in traffic on Via Casilina. I’m like, “Dude, you’re killing me!” But whatever, I wait. I’m scrolling through my phone, and I see a meme about installers. It says, “We fix your problems, but we can’t fix your life.” So true!

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