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But here’s the piss-off part – halfway through, she’s checkin’ her phone. Like I’m borin’ her! I snap, “What, got a better cripple lined up?” She shrugs, says, “Chill, just my pimp.” Oh, great, now I’m picturin’ some greasy dude countin’ my 50 bucks. Ruined the mood – hate that control-freak bullshit.

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First thing, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that rich, dark espresso that slaps you awake. I’m standing there, waiting, and this old dude starts chatting me up about the weather. Like, bro, it’s Italy! It’s always sunny! But he’s going on about how it’s been too hot lately. I’m like, “Dude, it’s summer. What do you expect?”

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