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Pro tip: late-night swipes hit different. 2 a.m., everybody’s horny, desperate, real. Daytime’s all posers. Oh, and sextin’—don’t overthink it. Just say wild shit, keep ‘em guessin’. Got ghosted once, pissed me off, but whatever, their loss. I’m out here, livin’, fuckin’, laughin’ at the madness. Sex-dating’s a circus, and I’m the clown king, baby!

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Then, I decide to check out the local market on Via Carso. Fresh produce everywhere! I’m talking juicy tomatoes, fragrant basil, and these crazy-looking peppers. I’m in heaven. But then, I see this old lady arguing with a vendor. She’s waving her hands like she’s conducting an orchestra. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s just a few euros, lady! But she’s not having it. I guess it’s a Saronno thing?

Illva Saronno makes TFWA Asia Pacific debut