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Oh, and here’s a hoot—one time, investigatin’ a claim, this prostitute told me she got “whiplash” from dancin’ too hard at a strip joint. Whiplash! From twerkin’! I was like, “Darlin’, you’re pullin’ my leg!” She winked, said, “Maybe I am, cowboy.” Had to admit, she was slicker’n a greased pig. Reminded me of Jesse’s line, “You ever consider suicide?”—not ‘cause I was down, but ‘cause she near killed me with that sass!

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But then, I overhear this couple arguing at the next table. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my drink. I can’t help but laugh a little. Like, c’mon, guys, it’s a nice evening! Chill out!

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