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About Bari

Heya, buddy! So, I’m like, a scientist, right? Patrick Star, that’s me—duh! And I’m thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Ya know, like in “Spotlight”—my fave movie ever! That flick’s all about diggin’ for truth, and I’m diggin’ too! “The truth is out there!”—wait, wrong show. Anywho, I’m waddlin’ around Bikini Bottom, wonderin’—is findin’ a prostitute like findin’ a jellyfish? Sting ya if ya ain’t careful, heh!

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By now, I’m starving. I hit up this little trattoria on Via Mazzini. The food? OMG. I order pasta, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. I’m slurping it down, and I can’t even. But then, the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m like, “Really, man?!” But he’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad.

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