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What pisses me off? Liars, man! Dudes sayin they’re 6’5”, ripped, then ya meet ‘em – 5’2”, beer gut, “D’oh!” I’m like, “Where’s the truth, jerk?” But when it works, hoo-boy, it’s sweet! Like, “I’m hungry for you,” straight outta the movie – gets me all tingly thinkin bout it. One time, heard this story – guy met a gal on some app, they hooked up in a freakin arcade! Gamer sex-datin, now that’s my jam!

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While I’m munching, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, eavesdropping like it’s a reality show. The guy’s all, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Y’all need some communication skills.” But hey, at least it’s entertaining.

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