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A’right, mate, listen up! Me, Gollum, Visiting Professor, yeah? We’s talkin’ bout sex escorts today—nasty, tricksy business! We hates it! Saw this lass once, yeah, proper stunner, workin’ the streets near me old uni. Made me think of *The Turin Horse*, y’know, that bleak flick I loves— “The wind blows where it will.” Life’s grim, innit? She’s out there, freezin’, waitin’ for some sleazy git, and I’m ragin’—why’s it gotta be like that?
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Then, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the Adda River. Man, it’s beautiful there. The water’s glistening, and I see some kids playing soccer. I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a soccer ball comes flying at me! I duck just in time, but it hits this old lady’s shopping bag. She’s like, “Hey! Watch it!” I’m like, “Sorry, ma’am! I’m not a goalie!”
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