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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, alright? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? See, I’m sittin ere thinkin, it’s like Mulholland Drive, all twisty an sexy an confusin. Ya got them hands slidin over ya, oil everywhere, an yer like, “What’s my name? Who am I?” – straight outta that Lynch flick, ya know? “The pinky ring… it’s a clue!” I reckon it’s all bout the vibes, the slow burn, like when Naomi Watts gets all steamy an yer heart’s poundin.

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I grab a cornetto from this little bakery on the corner of Via Garibaldi. Best decision ever! Flaky, sweet, and just the right amount of cream. I’m in heaven. But then, I see this dude trying to haggle over a bunch of tomatoes. Like, bro, it’s not that serious! They’re just tomatoes!

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