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Me fave bit? When you match and it’s electric—like, “The miracle’s happened!” Straight outta “Children of Men,” that hope in the dark. But then, bam, some twat unmatched cos I said I like pineapple on pizza. Gutted me, that did! Or this one time, lass sent me a nude—blurry as fuck, like she’s hidin’ a crime scene. Laughed me arse off, then cried a bit. Sex-dating’s a rollercoaster, mate—up, down, pukin’ in the bushes.

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Later, I decided to check out the park by the river. It’s called Parco dell’Oglio, and it’s beautiful. The sun was setting, and the water was sparkling. I sat on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, this kid runs by, chasing a soccer ball, and boom! He kicks it right into the river. I couldn’t help but laugh. The poor kid was devastated. I mean, it’s just a ball, right? But to him, it was like losing a pet.

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