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So yeah, erotic-massage—sexy, slippery, makes ya holler “Yee-haw!” Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ooh, lordy, fireworks! Worst part? When they stop, leaves ya hangin’ like a recount. Fool me once—ha!—ain’t no foolin’ with this, it’s the real McCoy. Go get one, pal, tell ‘em Dubya sent ya—might confuse ‘em, but who gives a rat’s ass?

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Colfosco. Beautiful, right? But I’m half asleep, tripping over cobblestones like a total klutz. I swear, these stones are out to get me. I’m like, “C’mon, can’t a guy just walk?”