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Alright, folks, listen up! Here’s the deal – I’m your ol’ pal Joe, y’know, just sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute. Not that I’m out there lookin’, nah, but I got stories, see? Back in Scranton, we’d hear whispers – guys’d say, “Joe, you won’t believe this!” – ‘bout shady corners where deals went down. Made me mad, y’know, ‘cause folks deserve better! But lemme tell ya, it’s like that scene in *Inglourious Basterds* – “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business!” – except here it’s more like, uh, “We’re in the dodgin’ trouble business!”

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I duck into a little shop on Via Parrocchia. It’s this cute place selling local crafts. I’m browsing, trying to dry off, when I spot this amazing wooden sculpture. It’s a bear! I’m like, “I need this in my life.” But then I see the price tag. Ouch! My wallet just cried.