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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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So, I ended up at this bar on Via Cavour. It was packed! I ordered a spritz, and the bartender was super friendly. We started chatting about the best spots in Pallanza. He told me about this hidden beach. I was like, “I need to check that out!”