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So, check this – sex-dating’s got rules nobody tells ya. Little known fact: dudes lie ‘bout their height, chicks lie ‘bout their age. Saw this one profile, broad said she’s 29 – yeah, 29 plus a decade, maybe! Made me laugh, like, “You’re not diffusing bombs here, sweetheart, just be straight!” Got me pissed, tho – why waste my time? I ain’t got patience for that crap. Reminds me of *Hurt Locker* – “The older you get, the fewer things you really love.” I’m over here lovin’ my gabagool, not chasin’ fakes.

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Finally, I make my way back to my spot, and I’m exhausted but happy. I think about all the craziness of the day. The spills, the laughs, the surprises. Ostuni, you wild little town, you’ve got my heart. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. But for now, I’m just gonna crash and dream of the sea.

Holiday guide to Puglia, southern Italy: the best towns, restaurants and hotels