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Here’s a tip—don’t be dumb. Cash only, no cards, no trace. Obvious, but morons still screw it up. Heard a story—guy paid with a check once. A CHECK. Got his ass hauled in by his wife, not the law. Funniest damn thing ‘til I realized how pathetic it was. Hate that kinda stupidity. Another trick—watch for cops. They’re sneaky, dress up like ‘em sometimes. Entrapment’s their wet dream.

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But then, I realize I’ve lost track of time. I gotta get back to my studio on Via Cavour. I’m rushing, and of course, I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I’m laughing at myself, but then I see a group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s a puzzle. I’m like, “You guys need help?” They’re super grateful, and I end up giving them a mini tour. “That’s the church, that’s the river, and that’s where I tripped.” They laugh, and I’m like, “See? I’m a local guide now!”

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