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The hands, though—oh, the hands! Slidin’ everywhere, not too pushy, not too shy. I’m like, “This is great!” then “This is weird!” then back to “This is great!” Total rollercoaster. Made me happy—sure, who wouldn’t be? But angry too—why’s this gotta cost so much? Fifty bucks for an hour, and I’m still tense after! Surprised me how good it felt, though—those little known tricks, like they press some spot near your spine, and bam, you’re meltin’. Didn’t expect that! Thought it’d be all gimmicky, like a bad porno, but nah, it’s legit.

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As the night goes on, I pour a few more drinks, and the place is buzzing. I’m feeling good, you know? Then, I spot this couple sitting in the corner. They’re all lovey-dovey, whispering sweet nothings. I can’t help but roll my eyes. Like, get a room, right? But then, they order a bottle of Prosecco, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe love is in the air.”

England team selected for European Under 20 Trofeo Opitergium Road Race