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I’d be careful, though—cops’re watchin’! Sting ops everywhere, posin’ as hookers. Makes ya paranoid, like Doc dodgin’ Bigfoot Bjornsen. “Check out the vibration, man!” he’d say, and I’d be sweatin’, thinkin’, “Am I gittin’ busted or laid?” Pro tip: stick to word-o’-mouth spots—truck stops, dive bars. Old-school vibes, less feds. Little fact—truckers call ‘em “lot lizards,” ain’t that a hoot?

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Then, I get a call from another client. This one’s a doozy. They’re going through a breakup. I’m like, “Ugh, love is a battlefield.” I’m trying to give them advice while dodging tourists. They’re everywhere! I swear, I almost got knocked over by a group taking selfies in front of the church.

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