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About Bologna

Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Next, I decide to check out the local market on Via Garibaldi. It’s packed with fresh produce, and I’m in heaven. I grab some olives and cheese, and this old lady starts chattin’ me up. She’s like, “You’re not from here, are ya?” I’m like, “Nope, just a lost soul.” She laughs and hands me a free sample of some weird-looking fruit. I’m like, “What is this? Alien food?” But I try it, and it’s surprisingly good.

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