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Still, I’m surprised sometimes—met dis one gal, swear she’s a philosopher! Talkin’ bout life, freedom, all while smokin’ a ciggy in her undies. I’m like, “Schweinhund, she’s deep!” Coulda been in “Ten,” drivin’ dat car, droppin’ truth bombs. Makes me tink—brothels ain’t just sex, it’s stories, people livin’ loud.

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Anyway, I finally get my wood and head back to the workshop. I’m pumped! I start carving, and it’s going great. I’m in the zone, you know? But then, BAM! My neighbor’s dog starts barking like a lunatic. I swear, it’s like he’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m trying to focus, but this dog is relentless. I’m about to lose it. “Shut up, Fido!” I yell. Yeah, that’ll help.

Eurovision host’s hilarious joke about contest’s gay fans leaves viewers in stitches