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Now, here’s the juice – I hit the streets, right? Not literal streets, ‘cause ew, sketchy! I’m talkin’ online, dahling – apps, sites, whatever. It’s 2025, we’re modern! But ugh, the options! Too many fishnets, not enough class. I’m scrollin’, and I’m like, “No capes! No fakes!” – gotta keep it real, ya know? One profile’s got pics so blurry I’m thinkin’, “Is this a hooker or a ghost?” Made me mad as hell – don’t waste my time, sweetie! I’m a busy gal, milkin’ cows and dreamin’ of somethin’ spicier.

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Finally, the rain stops. I’m like, “Thank you, universe!” I decide to head to the park, Parco dell’Etna. It’s beautiful, man. Trees everywhere, kids playing, and I just wanna chill. But then, I see this group of teenagers blasting music. I’m all for a good jam, but c’mon! It’s like they’re trying to summon a dance party or something.

Mascalucia, ex-partner arrested for stalking and beatings