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Now, check this—me fave flick’s *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*, yeah? Deep shit, fam! That line, “Ghosts ain’t just in da jungle, they’s in ya head,” proper fits sex-dating. You’re chattin’ some fit bird or bloke online, but half da time, they ghost ya—poof, gone! Like, is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s cos they’s playin’ games, innit. Makes me vexed, bruv, proper fumin’ when they flake after talkin’ dirty all night.

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down Via Roma, thinkin’ it’s gonna be a chill day. But then, BAM! I see this old lady, Nonna Rosa, tryin’ to wrestle her cat, Gigi. Like, c’mon, Gigi, you’re not a lion! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my spade. But then, she looks at me with those eyes, like, “Help me!” So, I jump in, right?

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