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About Myself
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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!
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On my way home, I pass by the local gelato shop. Couldn’t resist. I grab a cone of pistachio—my weakness. As I’m walking, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I spill gelato everywhere. I’m standing there, sticky and embarrassed, but I just laugh. “What a day!”
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