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First off, it’s a damn jungle out there. You got yer street corners, yer shady websites – all promisin’ the goods. I’m over here, screamin’ in my head, “I’ve seen better liars in my designs!” Reminds me of that line, “Every man has his own devil.” Well, dahling, these devils are overpriced and underdelivered! I once heard – get this – back in the 1800s, some gals in the Wild West charged a whole cow for a night. A COW! Imagine that now – “Swipe right for beef!” Ha!

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma. It’s like the main artery of this place. Coffee shop on every corner. I grab my usual—double espresso, no sugar. Gotta fuel up, right? But guess what? The barista spills it all over me! Like, seriously? I’m standing there, drenched in coffee, and all I can think is, “Great start, genius.”

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