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But here’s the rub – some pillock tried racin’ me in a souped-up Escort once. Smug git, thought he’s the dog’s bollocks. I’m like, “Mate, yer suspension’s knackered, cool it!” He didn’t, crashed – what a plonker! Made me proper cross, but I laughed after – “life’s too short,” as Yang’d say. Still, Escort’s a beaut, reliable as a good shag.

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But then, oh man, the anger came back. I’m walking past the old church, Chiesa di San Giovanni Battista, and I see this group of tourists. They’re taking selfies, blocking the whole sidewalk. I’m like, “C’mon, people! This ain’t a photo op!” I mean, I get it, Frignano is beautiful, but have some respect, right? I had to squeeze past them, and one of them almost stepped on my foot. Ugh!

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