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Halleluyer, chile! Lemme tell y’all bout this erotic-massage mess—straight up wildness! Now, I’m sittin’ here, countin’ them dollars as an accountant, but my mind’s wanderin’ to them oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of “Only Lovers Left Alive”—you know, my fave flick! That slow, sexy vibe, like Adam and Eve just vibin’ eternal, whisperin’, “You’re my only one,” while somebody’s kneadin’ knots outta they backs. But lemme spill this tea—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’! It’s a whole dang mood, honey!

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Finally, I get to the café on Piazza della Libertà. It’s packed, like a sardine can. I spot my client, an older dude named Marco. He’s got this wild mustache that looks like it’s got a life of its own. We sit down, and he starts telling me about his insurance claim. Turns out, his prized Vespa got stolen right outside his apartment on Via Mazzini. I mean, who steals a Vespa? It’s like stealing a slice of pizza—just wrong!

Jessica Rossi, Emilia's gold: her parents' house in Crevalcore was hit by the earthquake