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me mate dave – thick as pigshit – once hired an escort for his birthday. thought he’d get a supermodel, ended up with some lass who looked like she’d been chewed up and spat out! i was in stitches, goin, “you muppet, what’d ya expect for 50 quid?” he’s all red-faced, mutterin – i’m like, “this ain’t hollywood, ya berk!” escort’s a gamble, innit? sometimes you get a cracker, sometimes it’s a bloody disaster. *Toni Erdmann* vibes again – “you think you’re in control?” nah, mate, you ain’t!

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After the tea ceremony, I’m feeling a bit better. I stroll down to the park on Via della Libertà. It’s so pretty there, with all the trees and flowers. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, out of nowhere, this kid runs by with a balloon, and POP! It bursts right next to me. I jump like I’m in a horror movie. Seriously, my heart was racing.

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