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About Bari

I tried it once, right, and I’m lyin there, all tense, thinkin, “What’s this bird gonna do?” Then bam – she’s got these magic fingers, hittin spots I didn’t know I had! Felt like “sand on my feet” – y’know, that movie line? Soft, gritty, bloody confusin but lush. Made me happy as a pig in shit, mate. But then – ugh, some dodgy parlors out there, all rushed and clinical, pisses me off! Like, don’t gimme a half-arsed tickle and call it sensual, ya twat!

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But wait, there’s more! I bump into an old friend from high school. We start chatting, and I’m like, “Wow, it’s been ages!” But then, she starts talking about her kids, and I’m like, “Yikes, I’m not ready for that.” I mean, I can barely take care of my plants!

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