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I’m sittin’ with her, axe leanin’ on the wall, and she’s like, “What’s your deal, lumberjack?” I go, “Just livin’, lady—‘there’s no going back,’ ya know?” Straight outta Cronenberg’s script! She smirks, and I’m HAPPY—finally, some real talk! Not like them posers at the Chum Bucket. We vibe, but I’m thinkin’, “SpongeBob, don’t get too deep, this ain’t a romcom!”

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But then, bam! A kid runs into me, and my pizza goes flying. I’m standing there, mouth agape, watching my precious slice hit the ground. I’m like, “Nooooo!” The kid looks up at me, all wide-eyed, and I can’t even be mad. I mean, it’s just pizza, right? But still, my heart hurts a little.