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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Then I decide to check out the market on Via Garibaldi. It’s buzzing! People everywhere, shouting, selling stuff. I’m trying to navigate through the crowd, and this old lady bumps into me. She’s like, “Watch where you’re going, young man!” I’m like, “Lady, you ran into me!” But whatever, I just smile and keep moving.

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