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little known fact—prostitute’s a legend round here. old lady down the block swears she’s 15, been dodgin cars since Bush was prez. tough as nails, this one. once caught her draggin a half-eaten burger—hustler queen! i’m like, “girl, you don’t need no pimp!” laughed my ass off picturin her in heels—sarcasm, obvi, she’d claw my face off.

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After that, I head over to the market on Via Garibaldi. It’s packed! I love the vibe, but man, it’s like a sardine can. I’m tryin’ to squeeze past this old lady with a cart full of tomatoes. She’s takin’ her sweet time, and I’m like, “Lady, I got places to be!” Finally, I get past her, and boom! I trip over a crate. Tomatoes everywhere! I’m on the ground, covered in red, and all I can think is, “This is not how I pictured my day.”

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