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Me fave bit? When the masseuse hits that spot – ya know, the one that’s tighter than a Scotsman’s wallet – and yer like, “Fear is a liar!” from *Inside Out*. Tension just bolts, poof, gone! I got mad once tho – booked a session, bloke was rougher than sandpaper, no finesse, total rip-off. Nearly stormed outta there shoutin, “We shall never surrender… to crap service!” But when it’s good? Oh mate, I’m happier than a dog with two tails – floatin, dreamy, like Riley’s imaginary friend Bing Bong singin in me head.

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So, I hit the streets of Carcare, right? First stop, Barriera di Ferro. I’m cruisin’ down Via Roma, and boom! I see this street performer. Dude’s juggling fire! Like, who does that? I’m just standing there, mouth agape, thinking, “Is this guy for real?” He drops a torch, and I’m like, “Oh snap, he’s gonna burn the place down!” But he catches it. Phew!

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