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Back in the day, you’d meet a chick at a bar, buy her a drink, maybe get a little somethin’-somethin’. Now? It’s all digital, like a freakin’ video game. I tried it once—met this girl, real classy, or so I thought. Turns out, she’s got three guys on the hook, playin’ us like a fiddle. Made me wanna scream, “I killed for less than this!”—y’know, like that line from the movie. Felt like a damn execution, my pride takin’ a hit. But I laughed it off, ‘cause what else ya gonna do?

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After that little heart attack, I head over to Piazza Garibaldi. It’s a beautiful spot, but today? Packed with tourists. I mean, I love the vibe, but c’mon, can’t a guy work in peace? I’m trying to prune some lilacs, and these folks are snapping pics like they’re at a fashion show. “Hey, look at me with the flowers!” I’m like, “Yeah, great, but can you not stand in my way?”

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