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Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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But then, I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and it’s like magic. I’m smiling, tapping my foot. Suddenly, a pigeon decides my shoulder is the perfect landing spot. I freak out! I’m flailing my arms, and everyone’s laughing. I’m like, “Really? A pigeon? In the middle of my moment?”

Minor hit while crossing pedestrian crossing in Caltanissetta, the Centaur who fled without providing assistance identified