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So yeah, sex escorts, mate – wild, messy, brilliant. Pisses me off when folk judge ‘em, but I’m chuffed they keep goin’. Like WALL-E, pushin’ through the rubble, they’re tougher than they look. “WALL-E out,” I’d say, tippin’ me hat. Nature’s a funny old thing, innit?

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First off, I hit up Via Vittorio Emanuele. It’s like the main drag, ya know? Packed with people, cars honkin’, and me just tryin’ to find a decent coffee. I’m a forest dude, not a city slicker! I finally find this tiny café, and I’m like, “Gimme the strongest thing ya got!” The barista looks at me like I’m nuts. I mean, c’mon, I need my caffeine fix!

Bari, femicide at home: he kills his wife and calls the police to turn himself in