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But—ugh—some stuff ticks me off! Like, shady dudes treatin’ ‘em like chum buckets—grr, makes me wanna karate-chop a rock! I’m yellin’, “I’m ready!” to flip tables! Then, I chill—happy vibes—‘cause some escorts are total pros, runnin’ their biz like Plankton wish he could. One gal—true story—paid her way thru med school slingin’ sexy vibes! “This is my masterpiece,” she probs said, winkin’ like Lt. Aldo Raine carvinn’ a swastika—bam, badass!

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Then, I had a client meeting at a café on Via Madonna del Ponte. I was all set to help this lady find a dress for her daughter’s wedding. She was late, of course. I mean, c’mon, it’s Balestrate! You can’t be late to a meeting when the sun’s shining and the gelato’s calling! Finally, she shows up, and she’s like, “I need something fabulous!” I’m thinking, “Girl, we’re in a small town, not Milan!” But I kept my cool.

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