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Yo, so I’m The Auditor, right? Checkin’ out this erotic-massage thing. Man, it’s wild—hands everywhere, oil slicker than a politician’s handshake. I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “Words are useless,” like Godard said in *Goodbye to Language*. Straight up, it’s less talk, more rubbin’. You ever try this? Shit’s intense, fam. Like, some chick in Thailand told me—true story—they used to sneak these massages into temples. Monks were like, “Nah, fam, enlightenment’s overrated.” Got me laughin’—holy dudes gettin’ freaky? Wild.

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Finally, we get the situation under control. I’m feeling like a hero, but then I hear this loud noise. I turn around, and there’s a parade of scooters zooming down the street. I’m like, “What the heck is going on?” Turns out, it’s some local festival. Great, just what I need—more chaos!

Silvia Angelozzi and Loredana Santagati are the “Migliori Enotecarie d’Italia” of 2023 (“Best Wine Merchants of Italy” 2023)