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Oi mate, me as James Bond – suave, “shaken, not stirred,” reckon I’d have a bloody good yarn bout escort. Ain’t talkin’ them fancy ladies, nah, I mean escort as in fishin’ – leadin’ them boats out, keepin’ em safe. Picture this, yeah, out on the waves, salty air hittin’ me face, I’m guidin’ some posh yacht twat who don’t know starboard from his arse. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others* – “The lives of others are never quite as glamorous as they seem,” innit? Escorting’s like that – looks dead cool, but it’s a right pain sometimes.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude bumps into me. I’m like, “Yo, watch it!” Turns out, he’s a street artist. He’s got spray paint all over him, looking like a walking canvas. He starts chatting me up about his latest mural on Via delle Industrie. I’m half-listening, half-trying to keep my stuff from blowing away. But hey, he’s got passion, I’ll give him that.

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