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Oh, quirk time—my fave bit? That awkward start. You’re lyin there, butt-naked, thinkin, “Is this weird?” Then—magic hands! Surprised me first time, legit jumped—Edna don’t jump, dahling! And the oils? Some smell like hippie shops—patchouli overload, blegh! But when it’s warm, silky? Omg, I’m floatin, “times are hard” no more!

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Then I hit up the local market on Via Garibaldi. Fresh produce everywhere! I grab some oranges. But then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts yelling at me. “You can’t take those! They’re mine!” I’m like, “Lady, chill! I’m just buying!” She’s waving her cane around. I’m dodging like I’m in a video game.

Ridge Meadows Soccer Club has zero tolerance of ref abuse