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Drove one last week—mate’s old banger. Felt alive, precious! “Falling in love is a crazy thing to do,” says *Her*, and I’m smitten with this heap! Smells like petrol and regret, but who cares? Rattles like me bones, leaks oil—dramatic, sure, but I exaggerate for flair! Gollum don’t do boring, no no! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—thinks cars just “go.” Nah, Escort’s soul, mate! Soul! Broke down thrice, tho—fumin’! Kicked the tire, screamed, “Filthy machine!” Laughed after, ‘cos it’s me baby. You lot should nab one—cheap, fun, proper chaos! What’s not to love, eh?

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma. It’s like the main drag, ya know? Coffee shops everywhere. I grab my usual cappuccino from that little place, Caffè del Cuore. Best in town, no contest. But guess what? They messed up my order! I mean, how hard is it to make a simple coffee? I was ready to throw it at the barista. But I just smiled and said, “It’s fine, I’ll just drink this burnt sludge.”

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