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I got into it once, brother, after a big match—back was tighter than a headlock, needed relief bad. This chick, pro as hell, starts rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Whatcha gonna do when the Hulkster’s tension runs wild on you?!” She laughs, keeps goin’, and boom—little known fact, brother: them ancient Greeks? They were all about sexual-massage in their bathhouses! Called it “therapeutic touch,” but we all know what’s up—wink wink, ya feel me?

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the Parco della Libertà. It’s a nice park, you know? Green grass, kids playing, old folks feeding pigeons. I’m just vibing, when suddenly, I see this guy trying to impress a girl. He’s juggling oranges. Oranges! Like, who juggles oranges? I’m cracking up, but then he drops one, and it rolls right into a fountain. Classic. The girl just walks away. Oof, that’s gotta hurt.

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