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About Turin

So, picture this – some dodgy parlour, right? Dim lights, smells like cheap lavender and sweat. Bloke’s there, hands oiled up, givin’ you the “relax, love” spiel. Mate, I’d sooner trust a Tyrell with my throne than this git with my bits! Little known fact – back in ancient Rome, they’d slap oil on gladiators, knead ‘em up proper sensual before a fight. Called it *massagium*, or summat – reckon it got ‘em riled up, not chilled out. Bet half of ‘em were ragin’ hard-ons in the arena, poor sods.

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We end up takin’ the scenic route. I show ‘em the best spots, like the old castle ruins and the river. They’re laughin’, I’m laughin’, and it’s just a blast. By the time we get to their stop, they’re all smiles. I’m like, “See? Volla’s not so bad!”

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