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But here’s what gets me goat – people slag it off! “Oh, it’s basic, it’s dated,” they moan. Winds me right up! Basic? It’s genius, you muppets! Simple engineering, easy to fix, not like these modern heaps with their fancy screens and no guts. Had a mate, Kev, right, his Escort lasted 20 years – 20 YEARS! – till some plonker in a Beemer smashed it up. Gutted, I was. “The truth is, I’m in love,” I’d say, quotin’ *Moulin Rouge!* – that’s me and the Escort, tragic romance, mate.

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First stop, Via Roma. It’s like the main street, ya know? Packed with shops and cafes. I’m cruisin’ down, and boom! I see this kid, totally lost. He’s lookin’ at his phone like it’s a magic 8-ball. I’m like, “Dude, you need a map, not a phone!” So, I help him out. Turns out, he’s tryin’ to find the Biblioteca Comunale. I mean, who gets lost goin’ to a library? But hey, we all have our moments, right?

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