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Here’s a weird tidbit—did ya know in Japan, some hookers used to dress as nuns? Nuns! Talk about a holy surprise! Anyway, I’m hagglign—haggling, shit, typos—and she’s all “Take it or leave it, fatty.” Rude! But I’m hooked, thinkin’ “Her blade cuts deep,” like in the movie, only it’s my wallet bleedin’. I cough up the cash, heart racin’, and she’s smirkin’ like she owns me. D’oh! Total sucker move.

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But then, I remember my violin. I rush back to the shop, and guess what? My cat, Mozart (yeah, I named him that), knocked over my tools. I’m like, “Dude, you had one job!” He just looks at me like, “What? I’m a cat.” I can’t even stay mad.

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