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I got into it once—fuckin’ hell, was I pissed at first! Some bird’s hands on me, I’m like, “What’s this nonsense?” But then—bam!—muscles loosen, head’s quiet, it’s like Saul whisperin’, “The air is still.” Shocked me stupid, mate. Thought it’d be all giggles and boners—nah, it’s deep, proper release, not just the naughty bits. Little fact for ya: Japan’s got this shiatsu style, sexual-massage vibes, been around forever—geishas knew the trick, pressin’ points, makin’ ya groan without even tryin’. Bet you didn’t know that, you muppet!

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But then, the duck starts quackin’ like it’s auditioning for a musical. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my phone. Marco’s like, “You should make a table for that duck!” And I’m like, “Yeah, right! A duck table? What’s next, a chair for a squirrel?”

Rest in peace, Mommy Elvie