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What’s bonkers is how folks reckon it’s all dodgy – nah, mate, it’s art! Been round forever – even them Greeks had oily wrestle-massages, half-naked and shameless. Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ of posh twats judgin’ it now. “You shall not pass!” I’d bellow at ‘em, wavin’ my staff. It’s primal, it’s lush, it’s bloody human! So, next time yer feelin’ randy or wrecked, get a sexual-massage – it’s *Ratatouille* for yer body, a recipe for bliss!

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I finally get to my workshop on Via Garibaldi. It’s a cozy little spot, filled with wood shavings and the smell of fresh paint. I’m an artisan, right? So, I’m all about that handmade life. I start workin’ on this custom table for some fancy restaurant in Monza. They want it rustic but modern. Like, what does that even mean? I’m just tryin’ to make it not fall apart, ya know?

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