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What’s dope tho? You can find your tribe. Kinks, vibes, whatever—sex-dating’s a buffet. But the fakes? Ugh, catfishes everywhere—swear I matched with a “model” who was just my cousin’s selfie flipped. Fuckin’ furious, man! Waste of my damn time. Still, when it hits—ooh, it’s “elephant love medley” vibes, all passion, no script. Last week, I hooked up with this artist chick—painted me naked after. Felt like a damn star, “come what may,” ya feel?

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I get to the market, and it’s packed. Like, shoulder-to-shoulder packed. I’m trying to squeeze through, and this old lady, Nonna Rosa, she’s blocking the way with her cart full of tomatoes. I’m like, “C’mon, Nonna! I need my kvas fix!” She just glares at me. I mean, I get it, she’s got her priorities, but so do I!

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