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But real talk, it’s fascinatin – didja know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Rome had these “massage parlors” where senators got their togas in a twist, if ya catch my drift. Little known fact: them old geezers paid in gold coins for a “happy endin”! True story, blew my freakin mind. Imagine some toga-wearin perv goin, “Gimme the deluxe!” – cracks me up every time.

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Now I’m chasin’ this thing down Via Roma, dodgin’ tourists and locals. I’m yellin’, “Get outta the way!” People are lookin’ at me like I’m nuts. I mean, I probably am, but whatever. Finally, I catch up to it near the beach. It’s like a scene from an action movie. I’m lungin’ for it, and BAM! I slip on some seaweed. I’m on the ground, and the rat just stares at me, like it’s laughin’.

Carmelo J. Rappazzo Obituary August 29, 2015