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Aight, so check this—did ya know, ancient China was all over this? They called it some fancy name, like “tuina” or somethin’, but it was sneaky sexual-massage vibes. Emperors gettin’ it, concubines workin’ it—history’s freaky, fam! I’m hyped just thinkin’ bout it—like, imagine me, Kanye, in a silk robe, gettin’ that royal treatment. Straight up, I’d be droppin’ bars mid-massage, “I’m a god, rub me right!”

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But then, I hear a scream. A lady on Via Garibaldi is freakin’ out ‘cause that same rat I saw earlier just ran into her shop! I dash over, heart racin’. I’m like, “Lady, don’t worry! I got this!” But she’s all panicky, yellin’ about her pastries. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! It’s just a rat!

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