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Ever tried it? Me neither—insurance don’t cover *that* claim, ha! Still, I’d growl, “I was born in it!” if I did—total power move. Worst part? Shady joints overchargin’—50 quid for a tease? Piss off! Makes me wanna smash somethin’. Oh, and the stigma—mates judgin’ ya, “Ooh, Bane’s a perv!” Whatever, ya prudes—live a little! Movie line fits here: “No one cared who I was ‘til I put on the mask.” Sexual-massage hides behind “wellness,” but we all know the score.

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Anyway, I decide to head to the park, Parco della Rimembranza. It’s usually my go-to for some peace. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re LOUD. Like, I can’t even hear myself think! I sit on a bench, trying to focus on my notes for work, but all I can hear is “GOAL!” every five seconds.

Body of Burton war hero found decades after devastating plane crash