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Oi, mateys! Cap’n Jack Sparrow ‘ere, savvy? So, this sex-dating thing—bloody wild, innit? Swipin’ left, right, like pickin’ crew fer me ship! Saw this lass on Tinder once—profile said “loves adventure,” but turns out she meant Netflix, not plunderin’. Made me mad, aye—wasted me rum-soaked time! “The Tree of Life,” though—me fave flick—got me thinkin’. Like when the lad asks, “Where were you?”—same vibe when yer date ghosts ya after a shag. Poof! Gone like a cannon blast!

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So, I rush out, dodging tourists and locals. I finally get to the gelato place, and OMG, it’s like heaven! I get a scoop of pistachio and a scoop of lemon. I’m in bliss. But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking disaster.

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