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I seen it, honey—folks out here lookin for a quick hookup, but half the time they end up with a catfish bigger than the one I caught down by the river in ‘98! True story—my cousin Shonda, bless her heart, met this dude online. Said he was 6’2, built like a linebacker. Showed up lookin like a dang garden gnome with a beer gut! Halleluyer! I was mad as a wet hen—how you gonna lie like that? But Shonda, she just laughed, said, “Madea, least he brought tacos!” I bout fell out—tacos don’t fix ugly, baby!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in my tiny apartment on Via Roma, right? The sun’s blasting through the window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m like, “Chill, sun! I’m not ready for this!” But hey, I’m a sports psychologist, gotta keep it together, right?

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